So, what's your relationship with the internet like? (And do we capitalize Internet nowadays, or not?)
I have always been obsessed with information, especially of the trivial, people-based nature. When I was little, I'd get SO excited the day we got a new phone book, and would lie on my back on the floor reading it, looking up everyone I knew. Somehow seeing their names in print was so fascinating. I'd search the high school sports scores for the names of kids in my school. I even had a special relationship with the microfiche at the library.
Basically I was a budding stalker with no one to stalk.
My first experience with the internet was just after college, in 1990, when some of my tech-geeky friends showed me "usenet" sharegroup things, whatever they were called. I was absolutely fascinated that there was a group of people that could post information about a common topic. At the time I was very involved in animal rights issues, and was obsessed with a particular band or two, whom I won't mention here, and the idea that I could in some way connect with faceless vegetarians across the country--it was almost too exciting to bear. That anonymous, written contact was kind of a dream for me.
In 1991, I had a job I can't describe in a highrise office building in downtown San Francisco. (Really, I don't know what I did. My title was "provisioning coordinator" and I really don't know what provisions I coordinated. This was at the very start of the dot.com boom, and the business I worked for was a new company that bought and sold...nothing. Well, they bought long distance time in bulk, and sold it at a profit.) I shared a cubicle above the fog with a woman named Kim, and we had an office intranet. Kim's job was similarly perplexing in its vagueness, and we were often similarly without day to day tasks. We sat back to back, facing our computers, and typed messages back and forth, all day, on our office intranet. I also conducted one office romance, and two office flings, thusly. The flings, of course, also entailed a little more contact of a non-written sort. The romance guy was, like the rest of us, a little unclear about exactly what his job entailed, and was in a master's program, so he wrote his thesis between the hours of 8am and 5pm.
So began my relationship with written electronic communication.
I didn't have my own computer or modem yet, and it wasn't until 1998 that I had internet access, through my work. I had never actually used the usenets, or whatever they were called, but as soon as I had the internet access at work, I commenced to search for those bands I was obsessed with, and to "research" ex boyfriends. (This was, of course, pre Google Dominance, so these searches were conducted using Excite, Lycos, Dogpile, Yahoo...)
Now, like most of us, so much of my life is handled through the internet--staying in touch with people, paying bills, actual research (eg weather, travel), and slightly-psycho research (eg seeing if I can figure out what happened to my teacher from fourth grade) (Don't worry, Miss Baker--I'm totally not dangerous!). The former proves constantly, if excessively, useful. The latter, too, has brought me great rewards--I got back in touch with my best friend from grade school--our Catholic school teacher, along with my friend's mom, made us break up because she thought I was a bad influence. I found her, thanks to her unusual last name, and we picked up where we left off. She was divorced after some scandal, and newly remarried, and I hadn't yet met my first husband. (So who's the "bad girl", huh my dear nuns?? ) We helped each other through some key struggles--her miscarriage, my TTC and miscarriages, a messy and painful breakup with my ex, her job crisis--and have a wonderful friendship today. Thank you, internet! I'm sure that, intrepid as I am, we could have/would have found each other without Al Gore's help. But it sure made things easier.
So now I have all sorts of friends in the computer, and my "real life" friendships are, more often than not, maintained online as well. My childhood obsession with information has been stoked by Google, and my natural inclination toward tangential cognition delights in the hyperlink-riddled wonder that is Wikipedia.
In my most acute bouts of postpartum anxiety, I spent a lot of time online. I didn't want to be around people so much, but the computer allowed me to interact in a safe way. I was usually awake at 3am, and high speed cable connection provided entertainment, balm, numbness, lots of things.
I was never much of a tv watcher, and save my conflicted relationship with alcohol, and a long long phase of obsession with women's magazines (you know, Glamour, Self, Allure), which I'm finally, thankfully over, I've never had a habit I've thought was bad for me.
I'm wondering about the internet, though. Like many of you, I'm guessing, I have spent hours following links in blogs and "window shopping". I think all of this is okay. What I'm wondering about is the something like obsession that I have with information. I have often found myself wishing I had a notepad so I could write down something that I want to Google or look up in Wikipedia. The possibility of getting the information has made it hard to resist looking for it, no matter what it is. Song lyrics, the name of that shampoo I used to use, the etymology of the word lemur. I want to know, but why? And is it something I should fight?
As I mentioned, my brain leans toward tangents. And I am prone to obsessing. Does the internet make this worse? I guess I could channel my natural tendencies into something useful. But then I wouldn't know the second verse of my sixth grade summer camp's theme song, nor would I be able to tell you that "lemur" comes from the Latin lemures, "spirits of the night".
So tell me about you and the internet.
